NamaStayAwhile

 So, I am listening to a new audible book called Worthy, by Jamie Kern Lima.  First let me say this is a good read/or audible book.  I would, however, suggest it for women younger than me.  Being 66, I wondered where something like this was when I was in my 30's.  But it has really made me look inward. I was raised by my Grandmother for the most part.  My Grandfather, a wonderful man, died too young leaving me with my Grandmother, who I affectionately refer to as Atilla the Hun.   She instilled into me the belief that I was not worthy of anything. And, it started young.  My mother and father were married, and the following is the only information that I have about that time. Prior to me, my mom was pregnant with twin boys, my mother says she fell down the steps and my grandmother said my father said she was drunk and fell down the steps, which led to them not surviving too long after childbirth.  I guess next, I came along, and when I as...

 This morning I was listening to The Secret on Audible.  I haven't listened to it in quite a while and it was close to the end of the book and it talked about finding Joy.  I mean, what is life is there is no Joy in it. And this constant diet life that I have been on, for most of my adult life gives me no joy. So how to I find the Joy in my nutritional path, one where I like food and still loose weight.  But even more so get healthy - feel better. Let's face it - I am 66 - I heard this morning that the average date of death right now is 77 - so I got 11 years left to find some joy in this f***ing life.  And why did I say it like that - well, lately it has been getting harder.  They say I need new knees, but  I am to fat to get them. Then I need a shoulder replacement, but I need my arms to get around - take one away from me and I am not getting off the toilet.   Lately I have been having trouble with medications and that brought me down....

 I give up.  I surrender to the gods of fat.  After a year and 17 days on the diet with Lehigh Valley Bariatrics I have called it quits.  I lost 25 pounds which calculates out to 0.0655 of a pound a day.  I guess you can really call it losing weight slow.  I feel like I am wasting everyone's time.  The doctor, the dietician and mine.   I feel upset, sad and could cry easily when I think about it.  But, lets face it, I am never going to be able to get knee surgery.  I can't get my weight down far enough.   Yes, we tried wellbutrin for my depression and weight loss and that was a mess. Can't get any of the shots - unless I pay for them - and I can't rationalize putting money out to pay for this medicine when I have bills to pay Next they wanted me to take an appetite supessant - side effects were as bad as wellbutrin  So yeah I give up. Not so much on myself but on losing a great amount of weight -  I will keep try...

 So - the Fat Doctor, as I like to call her gave me medication a few months ago for depression, a side effect is weight loss. (Wellbutrin)   It worked for a bit, but after two months or so, side effects started happening.  First constipation.  For a woman who goes regularly to the bathroom this was discerning at first.  I used stool softeners but it was an on going problem.  Then the tremors started. These were highly uncomfortable.  I would splash coffee and was unable to hold my Sunday Bulletin in church.  But then came the numbness to life in general - I didn't care.  I had more anxiety and I had a meltdown.   It was almost like it supressed all my feelings, including happiness. So I told her and I had to come off gradually - which also made me sick a bit - but I think I am back now.  I feel a little more happier - a little more stable - and hopefully I won't become depressed again. Something about my diet makes me depr...

 So today I had to pay the piper for the month of celebrating my birthday - actually it wasn't to bad - I gained 1 pound.  Could have been a lot worse.   I am having trouble walking due to my tendinitis of my hip.  So walking has been out, but I did start doing yoga more often.  The doctor set 3 goals for me - drink my water - do yoga 2 times a week and start tracking my food again. Yes, I lost 15 pounds right away doing this but what happens is I have been doing this for months, and months and it just seem endless.  I really need to get a new mindset.  The diet mentality does not work. What I have to do is tell myself is that I weigh 145 - I have no trouble loosing weight, that weight just melts off of me.   Yes, I physically must do the other stuff - but I need to be more positive about it.   I guess the hard thing for me right now is that it is boring - but I have started reading about herbal medicine and I realize my eating...

 Help, I have eaten and I cannot stop.  Well, sort of.  Stepped on the scale this morning and holy gain weight batman.  My Birthday Celebration of much food and cake finally caught up with me.  IT is now September 1 so I need to shake off the cake - however, I just ate a piece of candy (ouch).   So where did I go wrong - I turned 68, LOL - I celebrate the whole month and I did not cook 1 meal last weekend and basically ate leftovers all week - not healthy. Not healthy at all. So back on the protein bus - eat my veggies - be mindful, It is easy? No it is not.  I wish there was a way to eat cake and loose weight.  If I come across it I will let you know.   Yoga is helping my joints so much - also I have added some herbal supplements that are suppose to help arthritis - I will share those with you all on the weekend. I notice when I walk that I walk like an old lady - bent over and wabble - this needs to stop! In the meantime, have a r...

  Last night I started my yoga with the corpse pose,  I used it to release the tension in my shoulders and hip.  I didn't really get to meditate in the pose only because BF was in the room and the tv was on - but I was relaxing the shoulder and hip that have been hurting and today I feel so much better.  I recommend to always start simple.  Don't go flying into anything quickly, especially with yoga poses.  You could do more harm than good.   The only thing was I needed BF to help me up - but I plan on doing it again tonight and maybe the rest of the week if possible.  On the weekend I will add more poses and exercises for the hip and shoulder.  Meanwhile, the diet has to get back on track.  IT was MY BIRTHDAY weekend and needless to say, I left no carb behind.  So back to the basics.  Protein shake for breakfast!   Have a great day, Namaste - here is some information on the Corpse pose. How to do the Corpse...

 The cost of being ill is ridiculous.  Today I had to cancel therapy because they wanted $414.00 upfront. I know in my head that everyone went to college and the costs of everything is going up but this is totally crazy.    $414.00 to show me some stretches and exercise that I can probably find online - I know what you are thinking,  maybe I won't do them right.   I have been at therapy before and nothing really helped.   I know I need the surgery, but I have to wait until Medicare because my work insurance won't do it while I am overweight. And then I have to find a surgeon who will do it while I am overweight - or I have to loose weight.   And speaking of that I just lost another 3 pounds so makes it 23 total! Yippee so only 80 pounds to go. (Or at home I am already there because I keep the number posted on top of the scale so I always weigh 145 - 20 more pounds then I need to loose but I did weigh that once, for a day)  Toni...

 Healthy, wealthy and wise is my Mantra.  When I need to center myself or just when I begin to meditate      - I focus on healthy, wealthy and wise.  It is part of my law of attraction studies with the Secret. And since I am trying to focus on health it becomes a handy mantra.   So what changes have I made to the diet so far.  PROTEIN.  Every time I see the dietician it is up the protein.  So, as you may already know I start the day with a protein shake. Lunch is a sandwich, but I find I crave salty - then sweet.  So now the salty is a few nuts and seeds, and sweet is a Fiber One brownie.  This way supper is usually a normal dinner with the family.   I try to plan the meal ahead of time and have been using the crockpot a lot during this hot summer.   Wealthy is also the goal - I try to think positively about having money.  I am going to put in a walk-in shower in the bathroom for my mom - then...

 My life has been one long diet.  Currently the dietician and doctor have me on a low carb diet.  With emphasis on getting more protein in so I feel less hungry. I now start my morning with a high protein shake with my coffee as the liquid.  It's not bad - I am use to it now.  But pumpkin spice season is coming, do they make pumpkin spice protein whey powder? Well, son of a gun they do - found it on Amazon - guess I will order some Friday so that I have it for the upcoming season. I was at the hip doctor this morning - finally a joint that doesn't need to be replaced.  Tendinitis, oh well, the joys of getting older.  Now is the time I need to start reversing all these things that are wrong with me. This morning I used the time waiting for the doctor to relax and meditate with controlled breathing.  Felt really good to do so.  Now I ate my lunch and will start drinking water instead of a diet soda to refresh and energize me.   Yes, w...

 I have been looking inward, listening to Hero in audible every morning, has me thinking about my path.  Yes, I have a great job and I love what I do, but I do other things; were one of them supposed to be my life's calling.   In school I wanted to go to college and become a minister, but I had no family or church, or even school support in that.  My grandmother nixed all of my ideas and said I had to become a secretary like my Aunt Shirley.  Somehow this was successful.  So, I took business in school, became certified in machines that no longer exist, and started out at a law office. Later I started working in Title Insurance and stayed at one office for 39 years, but unfortunately was laid off and having to pay the bills I found a new job, still in Title Insurance.  Now I am a processor and closer and my many years of experience serve me well in this job Some Sundays I fill in for the Pastor and do Sunday sermons or lessons, as I like to think o...

 Today I had an epiphany of sorts, I was listening to podcast about diet tips for weight loss and I realized that you can't do everything all at once.  If you do you feel restricted and deprived which causes me to be depraved.  But baby steps are not my style.  I want to lose a hundred pounds and I want to do it yesterday, so every time I start I go a little gung ho.  Be it Keto or Weight Watchers it was jump in and do, and while both worked I couldn't sustain the victory.  None became a new habit or a new way for me to continue.  But I realized this morning that when I do a big job, whether at home, like cleaning or at work, working on files, I breakdown the tasks. (Dan, there is that stinking word, tasks)   But I wasn't doing that for my self-care.  Instead I was trying, even though I didn't think so, to do too much at once. So, where do I start?  There are lot of steps in self care. Maybe I should start by making a list, I like l...

 So over and over I try to loose weight - I told my dear daughter-in-law, Lauren that I have lost 1000 pounds, 5 pounds lost, 5 pounds gained over and over again.  So now, on the eve of my 65th birthday I wanted to know why. I was listening to a weight loss podcast this morning, that was Bible based and the Preacher said something I can't forget - find your WHY?  And he was saying, you might have tried weight loss for an event, for someone else, your family, your friends but until you find the real why, you will not succeed, and that you cannot succeed without God.  Because it is with God, the creator of our bodies, we will learn how to take care of them.  So I have embarked on a spiritual journey and maybe, just maybe I will find my why.   Now, I invite also, my daughter-in-law, Lauren, to join me here in this blog, I am going to give her access hopefully, to this blog, and she may write whatever she wants or feels on this journey.  If she wishes...

  Every diet pushes water.  General health pushes water.  Hydration!   From the Mayo Clinic: Getting enough water every day is important for your health. Drinking water can prevent dehydration, a condition that can cause unclear thinking, result in mood change, cause your body to overheat, and lead to constipation and kidney stones. Water has no calories, so it can also help with managing body weight and reducing calorie intake when substituted for drinks with calories, such as sweet tea or regular soda. Water helps your body: Keep a normal temperature. Lubricate and cushion joints. Protect your spinal cord and other sensitive tissues. Get rid of wastes through urination, perspiration, and bowel movements. Your body needs more water when you are: In hot climates. More physically active. Running a fever. Having diarrhea or vomiting. So how much water. Well that is debatable. The U.S. National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine determined that an adequate...

 This journey of weight loss seems impossible - I have lost the same 5 pounds over and over and just when I find a program that answers some of the things I am dealing with, up pops the price tag.  I was really liking this program I started on Facebook.  It is a week long program - I learned a lot.  So disappointed today when she said - you know Monday will come and most people fail next week without the community and program.  Gee thanks - oh and by the way the program costs $999. I have waisted a lot of money on programs, pills and diets.  And each one has an answer but I don't think they do. Each individual has their own body - I know they basically all work alike, but do they?  My co-worker Felicia can eat like a horse yet gains no weight.  Me, I can diet perfectly for weeks and loose that 5 pounds.  Then I think - is it worth it - I miss the __________ fill in the blank. And then I go back to my normal eating -  My body has the same...

 Why the weird title - well, I feel like I am embarking on something new and strange for me - trying a Trainer for better health.  Now, I would never, on my own, hire a trainer,  I have tried Noom, Weight Watchers and numerous other diets online but nothing really gets me motivated for more than a few days.   So, my wonderful workplace, Title Alliance, got us a trainer, Coach Rami.  He is situated in Arizona and we will have phone calls, texts and zoom meetings with him.  It is still up to me though to do this.   I found it interesting yesterday in our zoom meeting - I am still waiting for the handout, but I took notes.  He wants us to answer Why.  He said nail down your why. I could be funny and give the Mensa answer to why, which is why not, but then it dawned on me, why not Bev?   On the humorous side, I listened to Coach Rami at the office before I started my day, Trixie, my work bff, of course was listening to. Trixie...

So I cannot loose weight  for crap.  I try different thing, but I always go back to bad habits, bad ways. So today I figured I am addicted - I am addicted to food, but unlike other addictions, I can't just abstain from it.  I need food to live.  And that is one key - ***Eat to live not live to eat. I read an interesting articles on trigger foods - so what are my top triggers.  Food that makes me go NUTZ, like 1 drink for an alcoholic So here we go. 1) Chocolate 2) Mayo 3) butter 4) bread 5) sugar 6) pizza 7) sour cream 8) dips So I guess what I am saying is I like sweet and creamy foods.  So how do I get around all these triggers. Not sure. Today I had coffee creamer which I realize now is the most sugary thing ever.  So I need to find a suitable replacement. I like dijon mustard - that can replace mayo for me - but for the rest - I don't know; how do you substitute chocolate - that is next to impossible. But first lets get ...

<a href="https://www.tomoson.com?code=TOPc5f3218b923f01ae4a0beca8055100f1" rel="nofollow" style="display: none;"></a> So, a couple of months ago I ended up in the hospital because they thought I might of had a mini-stroke.  I had a bad headache and while the doctor was checking me over they found some weakness on my right side - my hand and arm weren't as strong as they should of been. Well, all turned out ok, I didn't have a mini-stroke, of course, they found something else, which I am not to crazy about. So - the other week I see an offer for this hand strengthener.  I thought why not try it.  So I ordered it on Amazon. Here is where you can find it:  https://www.amazon.com/YSJ-Strengthener-Strengthen-Rehabilitation-Exercising/dp/B07F6PYKBJ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1535508583&sr=8-1&keywords=grip%20strength%20trainer The Gripper thingy is adjustable.   I t has an adjustable tension from 22lb to 88lb, from super eas...

It is just me or is the world going to hell in a handbag - or maybe it is just the USA.  I am starting to be anxious about just living from day to day.  Everyday there is something else.  School Shootings, children being separated from their parents. Racial tension - the kind I thought we were over.  I mean what is going on people.  Why are we taking giant steps backwards as a society.  It is just Trump or is it us letting Trump play absolute ruler.  We aren't in a dictatorship yet, but you wouldn't know it.  If this was preschool President Trump would have a lot of time outs.  First, he doesn't play well with others.  He blames Democrats for every problem in the world.  He calls other people names, he doesn't know how to share.  He lies - or at least has his own set of truths.  He whines, especially when he doesn't get his way.  He is defiant especially to anyone with authority, and lastly aggression displayed thro...

< a href="https://www.tomoson.com?code=TOP40b11554513a868feb92078c5c20f19f" rel="nofollow" style="display: none;"></a> Heel.  I have Plantar Fasciitis and I am trying anything.  I went to the Podiatrist and he game me inserts that haven't helped much so I tried these inserts that I got on Amazon. I can't say they help - the heel gel inserts work a little and the other things for the Arch just hurt I am willing to try anything but I gotta tell you - it is hard finding something that works. In the meantime I will keep using the gel inserts. <a href="https://www.tomoson.com?code=BOTTOM40b11554513a868feb92078c5c20f19f" rel="nofollow" style="display: none;"></a>